I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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