physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize