I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
