someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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