I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize