thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
