I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
