I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize