I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
