how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
