they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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