I just threw up on my dentist
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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