he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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