carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
