My cat gives me a boner
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
