are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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