dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
