i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
