Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
