Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
