As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize