Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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