nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
