There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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