I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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