Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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