I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
