sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
