I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
