I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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