the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
