I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
