The best revenge is premature balding
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
