Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
