My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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