When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
