You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize