we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
