you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
