I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
