I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
