haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
