just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
