Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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