i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
