The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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