hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
