he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
