Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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