im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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