I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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