I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
