I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
