Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
