After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
