I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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