dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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