I wanna passion pit in your ass
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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