Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
