Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
