there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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