its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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