listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
