you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
this hospital has no fireball
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
