wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
