i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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