My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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