Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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