My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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