For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
