I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
