I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
