I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize