I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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