i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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