He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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