i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
