there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
