when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
whose parrot is this?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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