Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize