Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
