Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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