So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
someone owes me an orgasm
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
