i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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