dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
