Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
