so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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