I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
