NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
