I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
