Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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