My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
