You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
